50 Reasons Lord of the Rings Sucks

why would you want to see them going to the bathroom??
LOL
I liked the Go-Go Gadget arrow sprouter though.

*laughs and laughs*
Oh dear gods, that was funny!
One of the best ironic and snarky articles I've read in a good long while!

Thank you for pointing out the plot hole with Liv Tyler. I failed to see that brought up in so many other "respectable" sources.

Also, when you brought up:
Realism, schmealism.
"Liv Tyler's immortal elf volunteers to give up her eternal life for a single romance with a human man. Could any man really be that well endowed? I find it unlikely. "
its very obvouse you've never managed to schack up with aragon. loser.

That was hilarious. Now I need to get back to backhanding all the dumbasses that thought this was serious.

lol youre so funny, if you think it sucks why'd you even watch the ENTIRE series? youre such an idiot. by the way you can say ANYTHING illogical about all the movies. so i don't know why you're saying this about this movie. AT LEAST they are smart enough to make mad $ unlike you just sitting in front of your computer, doing research about what lines they've used and what movies it "copied" from. GET A LIFE.

I understand the comments made on the Eminem article, you have to. Look at his fanbase. Just not too hard, or too long.
But this goes over the heads of LotR diehards? For Shame.
How many of you vomited in ire?

How anybody could think this is anything BUT tongue-in-cheek satire simply blows my mind. Show of hands, how many of you thought Monty Python and the Holy Grail was a scene-for-scene reenactment of the days of King Arthur?

Oh my God...go to hell, you jackass. You obviously have not read the books, and you obviously have NO SENSE OF IMAGINATION.
For one thing, the books were published in the 1950s, which was LONG before all the other things that you talk about.
Plus, these books are FANTASIES. Fantasies are not required to be 100% logical.
Oh, and another thing. Stop insulting the cast. All of them were completely perfect, and you have no right to trash them like that.
Next time, before you say such terrible things, it would be good if you did a little research.

I have determined that is it not physically possible to facepalm hard enough for the people who think this is a serious article. Jesus Monkey Christ. I'll bet you think the Onion is real, too.

HOLY f*****g ASSCRACKERS! I am so glad I read this article again so I could see Wallee662's comment. How long did that take? That was funnier than the actual article when you suspend disbelief and "fantisize" that it is possible for someone that dense to exist.

Just throwing this one out there, but you doochebags who are throwing crap at this article and David Wong are clearly retards. You may not have noticed but this is a COMEDY website eg. funny, amusing, lol, haha. It saddens me that there are people in this world that are unable to identify joke when it is so clearly slapping them in the face.

I'm a bit cut that pointlesswasteoftime.com is gone. Thanx for the great times Dave, may there be many more!!

Not funny in the least, but what do you expect from some uptight brit with a PhD.?

Once I realized it wasn't meant to be serious, I laughed--in relief that it wasn't serious, embarrassment that it had taken me so long, and amusement at the silly things you posted. One thing, though: in #18, 'The Abestos Wizard, II', you referred to Gandalf as human. He isn't. He's a Maia. Figured I'd better point it out, if it hasn't been done already.

When reading certain comments on this page, I begin to wonder how some people even master the ability of breathing.

Dude get a life, thats why they call it a MOVIE. Not real life.
Someone needs to go back to school!!

Oh wallee662, bless your cotton socks, reading your post was actually a little embarrassing for me. I'm guessing that you are missing most of your frontal lobes therefore you cannot detect subtlety. Subtlety in the boradest possible sense. Does your mum know that your using the internet, obviously unsupervised?

this is what refer to as a "joke" you might have heard this word before, if you haven't i suggest you look it up.

1. Crass Marketing.

Students are being allowed the ability to read novelizations of certain films to gain a better understanding of the correlation between a work of literature and film. Thus to better make an assessment of their true differences and decide for themselves which makes a more sound delivery of the message.
2. Greed.

These movies were intended to deliver a story to the audience over the course of three movies, not just one.
3. Quality Control at New Line.

A quality movie is not always based on special effects, make-up, or technicalities. Stop picking apart all of the details and just enjoy the film.
4. They switched Darrens on us!

Wow, they might have used more than one actor to portray one character. Well you said it yourself, “it takes a sharp eye to notice.” That being said, who really cares? What is you’re point?
5. Quality Control at New Line, II.

Why are you pausing the movie to knit pick something so small and insignificant such as what shoes were worn? Give me a break buddy. Again, what is you’re point?
6. Speaking of Orcs...

How do you propose that the Orcs were stolen from any pc game? Maybe you haven’t done you’re homework doc. A wide variety of video games have adapted their story and characters based on this movie/book. The Lord of the Rings was written long before any pc game was developed.
7. Racism.

This was funny to read. Black ball, black gate, black, black, black… The idea of evil and an enemy has for centuries been depicted as black in nature. Are you really that naive and simple minded?

8. Gold: The Stretchy Element.

For being someone who analyzes movies so extensively, you sure did miss a very obvious clip. The ring does magically shrink in Bilbo’s hand the first time he holds it. Thus allowing our imagination to believe that the ring conforms to the size of the finger in which who posses the ring at that time.
9. Violence.

Fighting in the movie provides suspense, attention, and excitement to a film. You should know that being you are apart of the London Film Institute. Besides, this extent of fighting is part of the original story.
10. Horse sense.

This is a fantasy/adventure story. We are luck to have as much realism to this film as it already contained. A large portion of why people love this movie is due in part to it’s high level of fantasy and sporadic story telling.
11. Retracted.*

N/A
12. Return of the Living Dead.

Perhaps the director intended for this to happen or perhaps he just didn’t care. The fans of this film pay no attention and spare no time complaining about such small details. Once again, what is you’re point?
13. Did someone say plot hole?

I am confused as to what you were even talking about in this statement. Are you sure you have a PhD? May I ask from which school? I am having trouble with correlating a PhD level intelligence with any of you’re writing thus far.
14. The Battle Droid Syndrome.

This was a very poor attempt to be humorous.
15. Sloppy CGI.

Again…..Fantasy movie!
16. The Asbestos Wizard.

This story was written far before that movie. The Lord of the Rings was written between1937-1949. It was first published in 1954-1955.
17. Invisible Implausibility.

Once again….Fantasy movie!
18. The Asbestos Wizard, II.

One more time….Fantasy movie!
19. I'll have to rent that one.

What makes you think that first ten minutes was rushed through? Did you ask the screen writer yourself? Maybe the first part of that movie led you’re simple mind into believing you were about to watch a different movie. It is too bad that is not the case for the majority of us.
20. Magic Mechanics.

Yet again….Fantasy movie!
21. Finders, keepers.

Maybe you have forgotten that the ring posses the power to mesmerize and captivate it’s beholder to an extent that the person defies all logic and becomes corrupted by the ring’s power.
22. Go-Go Gadget Arrow Sprouter.

Have you never viewed similar films? There are countless films that are known for being great that also do the same thing. Such as firing a handgun well beyond its magazines capacity before reloading. Most of us do not pay attention nor care about this technicality. Also for hundredth time….Fantasy movie!
23. Watch out! He's going to explode!

You must not have been serious here. Who wants to watch these characters going to the bathroom?
24. Meesa gonna make theesa movie suckah!

Why is it that you keep insisting this movie stole everything from others? Gollum so happens to have received much more publicity and attention than Jar Jar Binks ever did anyway.
25. Propaganda.

Thank you for sharing with us you’re shallow mind and obvious homophobic nature doc.
26. Speaking of Elves...

I think you need to do the research buddy. Elves first originated from the 14th century. Their depiction was a creature of Norse mythology. The elves were originally imagined as a race of minor nature and fertility gods, who are often pictured as youthful-seeming men and women of great beauty living in forests and underground places and caves, or in wells and springs. They have been portrayed to be long-lived or immortal and as beings of magical powers.
27. Homage or theft?

This story was written long before Willow.
28. Homage or theft II?

This story was written long before Harry Potter.
29. Homage or theft III?

This story was written long before Shrek.
30. Homage or theft IV?

This story was written long before Willow.
31. Homage or theft V?

This story was written long before Al Pacino was born.
32. Homage or theft VI?

This story was written long before A Clockwork Orange.
33. Homage or theft VII?

This story was written long before One Night in an Alien Bar.
34. Homage or theft VIII?

Confused on what you are talking about here. Be more specific.
35. Homage or theft IX?

This story was written long before former President Jimmy Carter was our President. He was our President from 1977-1981. The story was written 40 years earlier.
36. Homage or theft X?

This story was written long before Agent Smith from The Matrix.
37. Weighty issues.

That is from the view of you’re eyes. Did you allow your mind to think outside the box for this movie at any time? Perhaps he had a medical condition in which caused a fat or bloated appearance. Maybe all of the long walking and climbing caused him to suffer extensive swelling in which caused him to appear more obese. This is a fantasy movie so try to have a bigger imagination.
38. Realism, schmealism.

Not funny doc. You must have never experienced true love either…what a shame.
39. Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow.

Wow once again you fail to be very humorous.
40. Too many notes.

Some of the scenes may have seemed pointless to you because of your simple narrow mind. If these movies are so horrible, too long, and boring then why have they done so well?
41. Too many notes, II.

I can relate to this statement but it does not show any relevance to this film or the intentions of the story.
42. Too many notes, III.

The dwarf was there to show friendship, to add comedy, and for diversity. I’m sorry that you have some phobia of dwarfs.
43. Rationalization for violence.

This was due in part that the creatures dwelled in a place known to be evil. It was assumed that all things within that place were of bad nature and horrible depictions of evil regardless if provoked.
44. The Shoeless Land.

Why would that be address? They didn’t have shoes in those days either. If you were to have paid more attention you would have realized that their feet were large, callused and muscular. I would make a intelligent guess in assuming that did not give a @#&*.
45. Casting.

Elijah Wood was actually the first person to be casted in this movie. He was already a fan of the book and very knowledgeable of the character. Stop trying to be funny.
46. Casting, II.

Stop trying to be funny.
47. Casting, III.

Stop trying to be funny.
48. Casting, IV.

Stop trying to be funny.
49. The Score.

You are completely crazy. The music for these three films have won numerous awards and celebrated widely. They have won these following awards: 1. Oscar for best song 2. Golden Globes for best original song 3. Academy Award for best original score 4. World soundtrack award for best original soundtrack 5. Grammy Award for best score soundtrack album (x3) 6. Academy award for best original song.
50. What's that smell?

This novel was written long before the movie was released and long before they even thought about making a film about it.

Good ol' JRR himself would have laughed at this article. Then he would weep in despair over the commenters who took it seriously. *sigh*

Although, he probably would have hated the movies.

You dumb bastard, get your facts straight. The concept of the violent dwarf was based on Joe Pesci, not Al Pacino. Still a ripoff, though.